A very special (and wholly unnecessary) delivery for Mrs James!
Sometimes, just sometimes, DD relationships suck!
As many of you will know I have not been having a happy time of it, lately. October was the worst month for corporal punishment in living memory (and there is some competition for that title!)
Who needs 54 cane strokes in a single month, really?
Well, things have been getting pretty serious here and my HoH almost has no hair left, so tired is he of straightening me out.
His methods work exceptionally well in the moment and the immediate to short-term. But, just like a chocolate Labrador, I need constant reminders and continuous training.
This works very well for both of us most of the time… but we really are getting to the point where there isn’t much left to thrash.
What with discipline being required for; weekly diet screw ups on top of all of the domestic stuff and that’s not even to mention my appalling study habits.
I suppose my HoH’s next series of actions was, on reflection, entirely predictable.
This ‘experience’ will certainly make this year’s book: SIX OF THE BEST 2022 - Double Trouble and so I won’t say too much here, I’ll instead just lay out some of the facts.
Imagine lying in bed (hungover) one morning when one hears an old tractor chugging about in one’s own garden. Apart from the obvious (what the bloody-hell is that racket doing and in MY garden?!) some other thoughts flashed through my foggy mind.
Wait a minute, we’ve already had our winter wood delivery, we ordered enough for this year and probably for next also… Sir certainly bitched enough about having to put it all away by himself because I was tied up with work! Also, I’m the only one who could have put the phone call in to the wood supplier because they don’t speak any English. There’s no way I was stupid enough to order twice… was there?
These musings were interrupted by a loud crash as an ENORMOUS amount of wood was tipped into the garden right outside the - already full to the rafters - log shed.
Whatever the AF was going on, I decided to go back to bed and sleep off my hangover.
Not long enough later, I hear the exact same palaver all over again! I couldn’t believe it. What on God’s green earth was going on here?
Sure enough another HUGE pile of logs had been dumped right next to the jam-packed woodshed.
There may be trouble ahead…
And sure as night follows day, trouble arrived.
“Here, take these, wrap up warm and get to work.”
My HoH said, throwing a pair of gardening gloves at me. I stared back at him dumbfounded.
“I said, ‘move it’!”
“But…, but-”
Drinking wine definitely makes you dumber, I couldn’t think quickly enough let alone get any intelligible words out!
“You can pile those sticks up outside the woodshed in three or four neat rows.”
“Huh?”
“Oh, and you’re grounded status will be lifted once it’s done.”
Now, on the one hand, I had previously been indefinitely grounded and being grounded in this house comes with a whole pile of other nasty ‘conditions’ - it is seriously no status to want to hold for any real length of time.
I also take great Umbridge at indefinite sentences. My HoH knows this well and ordinarily would totally agree with me. They are unfair.
However, things have been going so very badly lately that Sir was running short on options and had thus opted for ‘indefinite detention’ of a fashion.
On hearing that the ban on my life would be lifted after I shifted some sticks of wood, I practically skipped out of the house, down the front steps and over to the log shed ready and eager to begin.
“Oh, no!”
This was clearly not going to be a 30-minute operation. The pile of sticks looked a lot smaller from the house and I mean A LOT smaller.
I later learned that Sir had arranged for eight cubic metres of wood to be delivered for me to shift as both a punishment and a deterrent. Deep joy.
40-minutes later I was absolutely knackered. All but totally spent.
Since late August of 2020, I have had a nasty knee injury and have been pretty much banned from all forms of exercise whilst we figure out how to fix it.
The wrong diagnosis that fateful August led to months and months of painful treatment and worse - the exact wrong treatment.
So, for nearly two years I have been nursing it and not really wanting to let anyone else take a look at it in case they hurt me too.
I have some plans for it and one of those plans is behind The Discipline Diet. Once I am back on track, the plan is to go down to a very low weight in order to relieve some of the pressure on the bad knee.
At which point I shall be able to use some ankle weights to gradually rebuild the knee’s function.
Once we can see improvement, serious walking and possibly even running will become a thing again and oh how I miss running.
Alas, that is little more than a pipe dream right now especially until I return my attentions to some serious weight-loss.
I’m tempted to sign myself up for a marathon to force the issue but this could prove to be a very dangerous strategy and given my knee has been in such bad shape for so long I am reluctant to risk it again.
Anyway, that was a long-winded way of saying; I’m totally unfit and hence have been unable to shift wood for longer than say an hour on any given day.
I have to hand it to my HoH, it was an ingenious punishment.
Whilst technically I am still injured, I am not an invalid and I can do some physical activity and although I’d prefer to be working outdoors in spring or autumn it actually has done me more good than harm to need to be outside every day doing a bit.
The ‘log problem’ has shown me that I am stronger than I think but also that I still have some serious limitations.
Speaking of which, it is now light enough for me to go and throw more wood about.
I’ve no idea how many more days of this I have got - I’ve been at it for 2/3 weeks already. If I had to guess, I’d say 4-6 more days and then I will be free.
Free to ‘f’ something else up, no doubt!
(Like I said, I’ll write the full story up - The Stack that Jacqs Built - in this year’s SIX OF THE BEST annual and that’s a promise!)
Best (s)Wishes,
Jacqui James
Live-Lash-Love
https://jacquijames.substack.com/
[ALL materials Jacqui James © 2022]
Your HoH is extraordinarily inventive!
I doff my cap to him!